That'll teach the little blighters.

I've had some odd songs popping into my head lately. Having a baby will do that to you, I guess.

My family has this old tape of a musical version of Heidi. I've always wondered if it's from a movie or something, but I've never been able to confirm or deny this. It's entirely possible that all the songs were made up just for this recording. One of them is an alphabet song that reflects a rather Victorian approach to education. I sang it for Doug the other day and he agreed it was quite shocking.

If your ABC is not learned today
You must go to be punished tomorrow I say
DEFG must run with ease
Or something will follow that will not please
Should HIJK be now forgot
Disgrace is yours upon the spot
And then LM must follow at once
Or punished you'll be for a sorry dunce
If you knew what next awaited you
You'd haste to learn NOPQ
Now RST be quick about
The worst could follow there's little doubt
If you put a U for V
You'll go where you would not like to be
If you falter a W, worst of all
Look at the stick against the wall
Then comes the X for you say
Or be sure you'll get no food today
And should you make a stop at Y
They'll point at you and cry "Fie, fie!"
Make haste with Zed, if you're too slow
To the Hottentots you will go

This is taken almost exactly from the text of Heidi, with a few minor changes. There's just something about having it set to cheerful, bouncy music that makes it that much weirder. This was also my first exposure to "zed." It was quite a while before I learned that that is indeed what the rest of the English-speaking world calls the last letter of the alphabet. Which makes me wonder, do other countries sing the same alphabet song we do? Because it doesn't rhyme that way.